The Legend of the Gilberd School Gnome Tree

You might recall a story in the news a few weeks ago about a man who owned up to the disappearance of a large number of garden gnomes on Merseyside back in 1977. Curiously, just few days before this, I had been contacted by an old Gilberdian who had decided the time was right to tell the incredible story of the Gilberd School gnome tree.

These events have never been told in full but, with the 50th anniversary fast approaching, it is time to set the record straight! Our correspondent prefers to remain anonymous and we won’t be publishing the identities of anyone involved. You will find Eddie's recollection of what happened at the end of this account.

We would like to take this opportunity to wish all our visitors a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! Now sit back and enjoy 'The Legend of the Gilberd School Gnome Tree'...

In the autumn term of 1975, a tree next to Mr Ross’s classroom became the temporary home for a collection of plastic garden gnomes, much to the intrigue of the Gilberd School students and teachers around at the time. Over the course of 2-3 weeks, the collection grew to about 30 gnomes each wedged on its own branch.  Suddenly, the entire collection disappeared. Below for the first time is the full story.

To protect the identities of those involved no names have been included so if some readers actually know those involved, please respect their privacy and do not identify them publicly as we don’t want any 50 year old garden gnome cold cases being brought back to life at Colchester Police station! It should also be made clear neither Mr Ross nor any other teachers mentioned were complicit in any way.

At the outset, the reasons for this happening were born from nothing more than a silly idea – namely a fellow class member one day rather absurdly claimed “wood gnomes actually exist”, and secondly, the collective sense of mischief of a small group of schoolboys, which perhaps got a little out of hand! The outcome of this was the birth of the Gnome Liberation Front - GLF as they will now be known.  Much as David Bowie was revered at the time, his release of “The Laughing Gnome” in 1973 was of no influence and nothing more than a coincidence. Suffice to say the GLF set about their newfound mission of liberating plastic garden gnomes from large areas of Colchester and its suburbs with total dedication. 

By way of an example, a particularly wonderful garden gnome (about 2 foot tall and riding on a tortoise) was spotted from a school bus and reported. A gang of GLF members then carefully implemented the plan under cover of darkness to free the gnome from its garden prison. This involved cycling several miles to the target, climbing a fence, crawling on bellies across the open lawn to the gnome, yanking the gnome and his tortoise from the ground, retreating and then cycling home with a 2 ft gnome stuffed up somebody’s parka coat. This was a fairly normal evening for GLF members at this time, with all liberated gnomes then transported into school early the next morning before too many people were around ready for fixing on the tree. 

Getting the gnomes on the tree was not straightforward. Two or three people would climb the tree and using their weight, bend the tree over towards the roof of Mr Ross’s classroom where another member would be waiting with the gnome. The plastic gnomes were hollow and had a convenient hole in the base into which the end of a branch was inserted. The challenge was then carefully releasing the tree back to its upright position without catapulting all the gnomes or GLF members off. Suffice to say there were accidents in this regard – particularly as successful execution of the manoeuvre got harder as the tree filled with gnomes. 

(This is the only gnome known photograph of these events!)

Initially, the GLF were totally responsible for all the gnomes on the tree, but later other fringe allies emerged with gnome donations of their own opening up a much wider source area. However, this came with its own problems and ultimately led to the sudden ending of activities. Things became very interesting when gnome disappearances featured on the early evening local news, which created a panic within the GLF. The next morning, everyone involved got into school early and all the gnomes were removed. For safe keeping, and for a quick solution, they were hidden in the loft space above Mrs Wunderley's classroom - just across from Mr Ross’s room. There were two classrooms in this block joined by a small tutorial room in the middle where the access hole to the loft was. This made for a safe access point as it was rarely used, including at lunch times. 

During this period a number of the flat, steel shoe scrapers from the entrances to classrooms and buildings were commandeered and placed across rafters in the loft to form a safe platform for the gnome’s new accommodation. Plans were then hatched to return gnomes to their original gardens and these new operations started albeit with less enthusiasm than the original liberations. Even so over a week about 2/3 of the gnome population were returned, or perhaps more accurately were lobbed over the relevant garden walls and fences by GLF members speeding by in the dark on their bikes. Those that were left were mainly those donated by independents and of unknown origin or came from places further afield and thus harder to get back to their original homes.

At the same time, the opportunity arose to exhibit the collection to interested parties who were willing to make small donations to the GLF tuck shop fund. These guided tours were implemented during dinner breaks and became popular to the point that 5-6 people were in the loft space one particular lunchtime. 

Unfortunately, one individual did not know that you must walk on the rafters, the consequence being that he plummeted through the ceiling into the classroom below. The poor lunchtime supervisor who was in there at the time, nearly died of shock when confronted with the sudden, unexpected appearance of a ghostlike figure right in front of her (he was covered in a cloud of plaster dust)!  In the loft space, where it was now suddenly very light due to the large hole in the ceiling below, everyone was rushing for the escape hatch but in the panic somebody else missed a rafter and fell through into the tutorial room taking a large chunk of that ceiling down too. 

(Interior of the small tutorial room)

The outcome of this for everybody up in the loft was after school detentions for a week and a letter to the parents accompanied by an invoice for £24 each to cover the repairs to the ceilings. With average pocket money of 25-50p a week back then this took a lot of paying off!

This left the GLF with a dilemma as the residual gnome collection was still in the loft space along with half the school's shoe scraper grids. Bravely and despite the risk of even more detentions members went back into the loft and retrieved all the evidence. Shoe scrapers were replaced even though it seemed nobody had even noticed they went missing, a few more gnomes were returned to their original homes and the residual few gnomes (about half a dozen) were buried in a hole at the bottom of an overgrown garden just over the Roman Wall at the top end of the upper playground. With the GLF then disbanded, for all we know the gnomes may be there still!

Mr Ross recalls:

Although I found it amusing, I did not approve and asked the boys to remove and return the gnomes as soon as possible.

At the time we had a police link, who came once a week, and sat in on a community lesson in Room 52 (my room). When he arrived just before 9, I asked him how he was. He said there was a problem with disappearing gnomes in Lexden. He was sure the Grammar School boys were responsible but could not prove it. I kept quiet. If he had cared to look upwards, he would have realised that he was standing directly under the missing gnomes.

I seem to recall that when the lads were doing their lunchtime guided tour of ‘Gnomeland’, they once got their timing wrong and were still in the loft when lessons started. About 10 minutes into the lesson a Doc Martin boot and a hairy leg came through the ceiling. Unfortunately, the teacher below did not appreciate the funny side of things! I do not remember detentions being given - they certainly did not come from me. They were just normal youngsters and it was not a major issue. I told the story at my retirement and it was well received.

My thanks to our anonymous correspondent and to Eddie.

If you have any stories about your time at the school that you’d like to share with visitors to this website feel free to drop us a line at eddiesphotos@icloud.com